Luminous Improvisation!

Raul Solnado, Daniel Lemire, Jerry Lewis, Rowan Atkinson, Steven Wright and other comedians of their ilk have been, through the long years, what I would call "minor idols" of mine - I phrase it this way because I am not about to be accused of idolatry for the sake of a bunch of guys with funny bones; come on now, be serious...! I admire what they have done, each in his own inimitable style. And what they have had the guts to do is what I feel I would have done, too - had I had the guts to do it and had they given me the chance to do it too, of course! Minimalistic humorous sketches, with only an occasional hint of slapstick thrown in for good measure - next to cerebral humor, I find nothing funnier, truly!  The following is not an improv in the traditional sense anymore, of course: it was one originally, however. And it is sort of an homage to everything the above-mentioned have done during their respective careers, too.

''Improv'' with props - a table, two chairs, tablecloth and dinner set.
"TABLE TALK"

I come in dressed up as a waiter.
I walk around the table and chairs in the middle of the stage three times, each time slower, go "hmpf!" and leave quickly.
I come back with the tablecloth, set it up covering the table and walk around the table and chairs again, looking at it intensely again: than I go "hmpf!" again and leave again.
I come back with cutlery. I do the same thing. Maybe I challenge the table a bit with the knife and/or fork - maybe I don't. I walk around the table and chairs and say "it's taking shape, hey, my pretties?"
I wait, as if to get an answer - five seconds later, as I get none, I go "hmpf!" again and leave hurriedly once more.
I return with plates and glasses this time. I place them meticulously, walk around the table and chairs and then sigh before uttering "and now?"
Nada - so I go "hmpf" again and leave.
When I come back with the last piece (a decorative vase for the center of the table) I keep it cradled in my hands, trembling just a tad, a while longer before I place it. I look at it and at the table, taunting the latter with the former. I feign placing the vase, but take it away just before it touches the surface of the table. I finally establish a real conversation with the table as I go: "so... you want this? You'd looooove to have this? If you want this, you have to co-ope-rate... babe!"
I walk around the table and push the chairs around a bit "and your cronies too!"
I make circles around them again - and wait.
"Well...?"
SFX (sound effects - off-stage) in the form of a phone ring are then heard...
I look frustrated and grimace at the table before settling down the vase upon it (but not at the center) and saying "Argh - I'll be right back - this is not over, not by a long shot it isn't!"
I go off-stage and some funny voices are heard instead, to mimic the phone conversation in an unintelligible way - or is it to make believe that the table and chairs are conversing with one another? Let the audience decide that one...!
The waiter returns - immediately he seizes the vase away, as the prize was not merited at all. "So, where were we again, hmm?" I sneer, this time.
SFX - An incoming electronic message sound is heard this time - that seems to catch the waiter truly unaware and totally by surprise. After much hesitation, I go investigate - slamming the vase right at the center of the table, this time...
While I'm gone, some SPECIAL EFFECTS now: both tables are wired and they first move away from the table and then elevate themselves a bit - while the table simply trembles just a tad.
When I come back, the table has stopped but the chairs have not gone back into their original position: instead they are next to each other, in front of the table (as far as the audience sees it.)
When I see this, the waiter that I am is startled. It stops me in my tracks as I was coming back at the exact same fast and determined pace that I had left...
I then regain control of the situation, starting a sly walk to the right of the table (behind it from the audience's view) with my hands behind me and a cynical tone of voice as I say: "well, well, well... Quand le chat n'est pas là, les souris dansent, HMM?"
And then I violently grab a chair - as it seems to protest - and wrestle with it in order to put it back into place. I wipe my brow and repeat the same thing with the other chairs.
I take a few steps back and look at the whole sternly as I say: "I will tell you again: you will collaborate, or else... else... else you will burn in the chimney this winter!"
I pace around a bit, again, and then say "well? Talk, damn table, TALK!"
SFX - A simple thud at first, followed by several more - morse code from beyond as each thud seems to emanate from underneath the table and to further that illusion, the table's moves are synchronized with each thud...
I appear flabbergasted - as if I never really expected a reply at all...
The chairs then start dancing around the table, levitate once again and converge rapidly towards me. At the same time, some other object comes from back stage also flying through the air on a wire or two - it's a kitchen sink! All of these gang up on the waiter who falls underneath the heap pile and stays underneath it!
Meanwhile the table dances, too, now - and a bell is heard as it says one thing, at long last: "waiter! waiter! waiter?"

END!